NASA Scientists Need to Research My Dishwasher

Three years since I last wrote about research regarding my dishwasher and I’m afraid there have been no changes.  I wonder why three children, who according to state testing are in the top ten percent of students their age, lose all ability to reason when it comes to dirty dishes.

One of my children will be leaving in four months for college.  You’d think that a person on the cusp of adulthood would be able to fathom that peanut butter smeared on a stainless steel butter knife will not get clean in a dishwasher.  Even after years of using a dishwasher and pulling out the previously placed knife after it has been “washed” and then sterilized she still doesn’t get it.  Seriously.  When emptying the dishwasher this same child, who by the way was accepted into two of the top ten public universities in the United States, places a knife with baked on peanut butter back into the dishwasher.   What results does she believe she will attain?  Like Pasteur she has accidently made an interesting scientific discovery.  The world’s strongest organic glue; honest, I have to chisel the peanut butter off the knife after it’s been baked on a few times.  Interestingly enough it’s not just peanut butter.  I have discovered anything that has a high sugar content can be baked on and almost impossible to remove.  Oatmeal may have the same strength as barnacles. 

In four years I plan on gifting her my very expensive, irreplaceable stainless steel cutlery, because she has in fact, found a way to stain stainless steel.

Sigh.

 

 

(Original post by “Madge” May, 2010) 

Research indicates grave health risks to those who don’t place dirty dishes in dishwasher!

Researchers discover that failure to place dirty dishes in dishwasher may result in memory-loss, paranoia, hoarding, loss of reasoning, blood loss, and death!

This just in from the Hot-Lunch Ladies Think Tank, located in between the creamed corn and gravy-of-unknown-origin, failure to place dirty dishes in the dishwasher have serious health-related consequences. A laborious fourteen-year research program uncovered that subjects were prone to these maladies on a daily basis but seemed unaware of the health risks. 

Researchers found that memory-loss was the most common health risk. Subjects repeatedly used dishware, glassware, and cutlery and would immediately forget they had used them at all, thus resulting in failure to place them in the dishwasher. Related to this, one subject was prone to paranoia, convinced that they had placed the glassware in the dishwasher and another subject had removed it and put it back on the table.

The obsessive-compulsive behavior of hoarding was also observed. Several subjects who refused to place dirty items in the dishwasher were seen to be hoarding the dirty dishes in a secret location. This became apparent when there were no spoons or small glassware available and the researchers had to seek them out in order to continue the study. One researcher stated, “It is a bizarre behavior, it only harms the subject to not have clean cutlery. I just don’t understand it.”

More seriously was the loss of reasoning which resulted with blood loss. The researchers noted that if one subject placed a dirty item in the sink, all subjects then followed that example, without fail. The end result was a precariously piled stack of dirty dishes in the sink which most commonly resulted in glassware breakage. The researchers noted that the subjects normally had excellent logical reasoning, but when it came to glassware and dishware, they seemed unable to apply the basic laws of physics. 

Most seriously is the consequence of death. Repeatedly during the study death threats were heard between subjects regarding the placement of dishes, either in the sink or dishwasher; and between the researchers and subjects. The study is on-going, without the benefit of government funding. However, we feel it is in the best interests of the nation to take a serious look at the grave consequences uncovered in this research. In a related study, failure to put clean dishes away resulted in loud vocalizations and increased blood pressure. The Hot-Lunch Lady Think Tank will announce its findings from their research on the effects of toilet paper and complete hand-eye coordination loss. So far the findings are very grave.

 

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